Saturday, 24 March 2018

Graduation Thoughts

Hi everyone!

I'm sorry for being absent quite a bit, but I think I've finally reached a point where I can put a bit more time into this blog as well as my creative writing. As I must have stated before, I am a university student but as of April 16th the struggle of undergraduate studies will be put behind me.
While the university has been both exciting and terrifying, in the past final months I have found myself feeling nostalgic. I also felt this way upon graduating high school, but I feel it is these moments in which reflection is healthy, and also exciting.
What I find difficult to wrap my head around, is how fast it all seems to have gone. One moment I was a confused and lost first year, struggling to cope with sleep deprivation, deadlines and grade disappointment. Now I'd like to say I handle the sleep deprivation better, but the truth is I need lots of caffeine (with the rare last resort of an energy drink) and a healthy understanding that while university isn't easy, it is possible to get good grades if you pick things that interest you to write papers on.
It's through my reflections, that I find that a next chapter is not always the end of something. While I may not be an undergraduate, regardless of the time in my life, I will always learn something new, which is comforting. And even if it's not formal education with a teacher at the front of the room or a classroom, there are still means to learn. So I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm kinda sorta sad I won't be a student anymore, but a new chapter is always good as well.
Anyways, thanks for reading my rant. And if you are experiencing what I am right now or something similar, I always like hearing from everyone!

Thursday, 7 December 2017

New Tattoo

If you follow me on Instagram, you may have seen the new tattoo that sat through last Wednesday. If not here is a picture of the line work! I still have quite a bit left to go but it's a great start!
The before picture

The after picture

This post is not just about my tattoo, but rather a look into why I would want to get ink in the first place. Tattoos are still controversial, mainly amongst older generations. While tattoos are more common nowadays there is still some stigma placed on those who get tattoos. And while the world is more accepting of self of expression, there are still limitations set in our society.

So why then would I want a tattoo?

The simple answer is the art form.

The more complicated answer is to express myself. When I was 18-months years old, we had a faulty hot water tank in the basement which had been newly installed by the previous homeowner. While my parents had set the temperature to the appropriate temperature on the thermostat, the actual heater was wrong resulted in 2nd and 3rd degree burns on 20-30% of my body. While I am grateful to be alive and have had the opportunity to receive great treatment, the mental scars associated with the physical ones have left me in my teens and into my early 20's with an unhealthy perception of my body.

Many will say why would you want a tattoo then? Won't it make it worse?

But my answer to that, is when you go through a traumatic experience,  it doesn't matter what you may look like, the mental aspect will always play games unless you try to change your perception. You can go to therapy to deal with the problems, but when you are constantly reminded by looking n the mirror, the demons you repress keep coming back. So instead of hiding away, and suffering, I want to battle my insecurities and allow myself to heal.

While I don't believe that tattoo's need a particular meaning, my tattoo is an ode to a new future. In the past, my scars resembled a thorny past, something I couldn't control and let myself go as a result. I let my own body dysmorphia and PTSD control me. My tattoo is a garden to show that while nature is beautiful, it's not necessarily bad to not be able to control everything. I have peonies, which symbolize to me home and personal growth, but also a wealth of knowledge and healing. The rabbit grounds me as it brings me back to my childhood days and my mother's nickname for me.

I know that this post is heavy, and I will probably receive some hate, but I think its important for me to open up and talk about the reality that people with severe injuries feel. For myself, I have lived in fear and pain of how I look, and I have received hateful comments from people since I was young. This is not a by-product of hatred, it is a product of ignorance and the more people open up and try to share their stories hopefully there will be tolerance. As we as a society become more accepting of those with scars, disabilities, illness, etc. we open the doors for a beautiful future much like a garden.

This journey has been long won, and I only have the courage to do this because of my support system, the Shriner's and the doctors and nurses at the Shriner's Hospital in Boston. Because of them, I am a strong independent woman who has taken all that life has given me and risen to the challenge. I'd also to special thank Ashley, my lovely tattoo artist, who has helped me begin this road to a new life!

Thank you for reading!

P.S. I encourage anyone who has faced trauma, depressive or suicidal thoughts, or feel trapped, to seek the support of a family member, friend and/or a  medical professional, as we should not face our demons alone.

Monday, 11 September 2017

Summer Favourites 2017

Hey y'all! It's been awhile but I hope everyone's 2017 has been going well.
rather then try and justify why I don't post with any regularity I thought I might just post something light and fluffy!
This summer has been the summer of spending. I'll be honest, usually I have some restraint when it comes to buying, but lately between clothes shopping and buying a new laptop, my bank account has seen some damage. However, this provides me with this opportunity to share with you my favourite things for the past 3 months.

To start off my favourites I will start with electronics!
In the past month I caved and finally replaced my ancient laptop, which had become a glorified desk top. It has been 2 years since I've don research on which laptop would best suit my needs and I finally decided on the 13" MacBook Air. I know many people are divided between Apple and PC's but having owned a PC but also having other Apple products, due to ease of use I caved and bought the Air.
Here's what really sold it for me.
  1. The battery life was amazing. My previous computer even when new had a 7 hour battery life. The Mac Book Air has a 12 hour battery life. In theist couple years however my computer could barely last 10 minutes without having to plug it back in.
  2. It's portable. 13" is much easier to transport to and from school in comparison to the 17" behemoth I previously owned. I order to do any kind of writing, which I will note is my entire career path, required me to either stay at home or bring a massive laptop bag and a large bag for all of my school stuff. The struggle was real let me tell you.
  3. The ease of use. I'm not going to lie and say I'm good with computers because truthfully I am computer illiterate. There have been many a times when I have somehow hit a button that reorients my entire screen or activated the dreaded sticky keys function. These situations oftentimes led to panic and tears. 
  4. Doesn't over heat nearly as much. Again the panic and tears come into the equation. Due to over heating I have lost so much work. During one particular stressful incident I lost the same essay 6 times due to overheating. Even with auto save enabled within 5 minutes of restarting an essay, the computer would crash. I all honesty I'm surprised I actually manage to pass my classes.
Aso in my electronics section is the Beats Solo 3 Wireless Headphones. These just happened to be a lovely bonus that came with my laptop but I can see where all the hype over these is so real. I've never owned bluetooth headphones before and never thought I ever would, but I don't think I can ever go back. These headphones have up to 40+ hours of play time and also takes only an hour to gain a half charge. Truly a blessing!

Next on my list of goodies is accessories.
I'll be honest I haven't really been shopping for normal things this year.  A lot of the things I've had to buy have been for school, including a lap top sleeve, a new phone case as well as a new wallet.
Both the phone case and the laptop sleeve are from Society 6. This by all means is not a sponsored post, but because I genuinely believe in the product and the company's background.
So if you're new to Society 6, it is a community which promotes independent artists and allows there artwork to become either art prints for sale, or as I have demonstrated, Phone cases, etc. Its great for someone like myself because I hate to have everything basic. The ability to pick and choose provides me with the diversity that I crave without making it difficult, since its all in one place anyways. What I'm trying to say is that its the lazy art lover's dream.
These are the two cases, the headphones as well as my laptop in the sleeve. Was too lazy to take it out (lol).

The last thing (because I've really been trying to not spend too too much) is actually a book.
This summer I've been trying my best to reader enjoyment like I used to. One thing I came to realize really quick about getting an English major is that reading for fun and reading critically are COMPLETELY different things. After reading for a solid 6 months of things you'd normally not read makes you realize what other's must have felt early on.
The one book that really stood out to me though was Caraval by Stephanie Garber. It was a bit of a dark horse, I'll be honest. The hype around this novel was very high, with even comparisons to my personal favourite, The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern. While I can see where people made the connections, the novel was very much different to the world to the world of The Night Circus. Both were fantastical but the games are completely different. I refuse to say much about plot (because spoilers) but if you liked The Night Circus, but want something more akin to teen novel, Caraval is a happy medium.

Sorry guys that there wasn't more diversity, but this summer has been a summer of necessity buying and therefore a little sparse in the make up, skincare, etc. Let me know if you'd like more book, art, music,  or really any type of reviews, because I really love to do these kinds of posts but I'm unsure what y'all like.

Anyways that's all from this week, as always appreciate the support and patience.